Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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