Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
