it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize