I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
