This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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