hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
