And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
