I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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