and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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