I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Found your dick twin last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize