Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
