He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
