So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
