just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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