We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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