you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
