i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
