Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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