I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
