I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
