You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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