I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
