You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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