I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
