Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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