Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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