Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
