My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
