At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
