I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
