I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
