I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
