i just wanna soil my oats bro
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
