Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
