Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
