I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
