Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
