Will you blow on my dice?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize