You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
