i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
