Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
