Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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