Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
