I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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