So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
