dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
