I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
