so that wasnt chicken after all
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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