I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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