He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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