drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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