I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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