On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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