This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
