I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he thought i was a dude.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
