Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
