Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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