i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
