i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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