so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
