You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
