Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
