My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
