are you still at the devil's house?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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