It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
