I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
