I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
