wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
