Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
