She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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