and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
