That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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