Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
