Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
