she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
