I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
