I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
